Relationship advice: Praise in public, taunts in private
Her husband praises her in front of everyone but taunts her when they are alone. Clinical psychologist Dr Jaya Sukul explains what this double behaviour means and how to deal with it.
Praise in public, taunts in private: my husband behaves one way in front of others and another way at home, yet everyone sees him as the perfect husband. What should I do?
Question: I have been married for two years. Some things are troubling me a lot, but I can't share them with anyone. When guests come home, my husband praises me lavishly in front of them, and people think he has such a lovely nature. That is the image he has with everyone.
When we are alone at home, he often taunts me about my appearance, the things I say or my family. In public he looks like the perfect husband, and under this pressure I can't share anything with anyone, because everyone thinks he is perfect. Why would anyone believe me? I feel suffocated. Is this emotional double behaviour normal, or should I take my feelings seriously? How do I handle this situation?
Expert: Dr Jaya Sukul, Clinical Psychologist, Noida
Answer: First of all, understand that you are brave. What you have written is something lakhs of married women feel every day but cannot put into words. You have spoken up, and that is your strength.
You are not alone at all. This game of praise outside and taunts inside is called public-private split behaviour, or an emotional double standard, in psychology. It is not a small matter. It is the beginning of emotional manipulation and can sometimes turn into emotional abuse.
Why does he praise you in public?
Praising you in public is his way of managing his image. He wants to show the world what a good husband he is. The praise is not for you; it is for his own applause. By taunting you in private he wants to keep you weak so that control stays in his hands. This double game confuses you, and that is what makes it most dangerous.
